I crave loss.
The loss of control, the loss of myself.
I'm becoming a being who craves sensation, a hedonist bent on destroying myself in a deluge of desire and lust.
I want it all, D/s, bondage, sex, sadism all at once. I want to lose myself to that riptide.
It's the only way I can feel totally together, totally present and at ease.
It's a craving I don't know how to control.
It's a desire that can only be abated through action. And right now I'm more than 450 miles away from someone who can give that to me.
I wish I knew what to do, because this creeping feeling is slowly engulfing me; this need.
This is masochism at its most acute and I don't think I like it.
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