Memories New & Old

I remember vividly, the day I told him I wanted to be dominated; to be owned and claimed. At 18, I understood what it meant to me and had finally accepted my need for submission to a trusted man's dominance. I trusted him enough to tell him. 

He didn't balk. He wanted to explore  with me as best we could. 

It was less dominance than kink at that time; some days it worked, others it didn't. But there came a fateful day that ended all things non-vanilla. 

He was playing with me while with another kinky couple. My girlfriend and I were wholly enjoying the delightful cropping we were getting from our respective tops. However, SO didn't understand that 

1. I am a masochist (I don't think I truly knew) and 

2. That tears were a way I process pain (they still are)

He saw me cry, panicked, and decided that he was a horrible person and that he abused me. Despite my efforts to explain my behavior, he believed that he had hurt me irrevocably. We didn't broach the subject of kink for years. 

Lots of rather unfulfilling sex and relationship troubles later, he expressed an interest in rope bondage and I gleefully allowed him to explore and practice with me over the holidays. 

Little did I know that such a thing would morph into what I had always dreamed of...

We spent a week recommitting each other to memory and heart. It's been wonderful. He never truly left my soul, but our ups and downs had taken things out of perspective. 

I was greeted by my lover and best friend and then, surprisingly, introduced to a dominant I never knew existed. 

It's new for him. He struggled a little. But he's in it for the long haul and when he gets into TTWD, he's actually very good at it. It took me years to learn to accept it; but I had no support. I look forward to exploring with him and helping him grow as much as he will help me. 

I leave him with a very heavy heart and deliciously sore in all the right places. 

Change Part II

It's been a long 6 weeks. 

Honestly, I don't remember the last thing I posted before yesterday. 

It's just been a barrage of bad news that's forced all the change I've mentioned yesterday.

I've been sick for almost 2 months, and having sought out a doctor for once in my life, fixing what was wrong seemed simple enough; it was the other things she found that rocketed me into this funk.

Like I said, you hope for things that slip through your fingers.

There's so much reevaluating I have to do on a personal level because of this diagnosis alone. I'm scared and frustrated. 

Also, SO and I have been doing really well. We've discussed moving back into relationship territory; this adds a whole host of other problems though. 

He's willing to bend and change; we've chatted a lot since new year's fun and he's willing to pursue giving D/s a try. It's a massive step for him. He loves me dearly, and I him; six years have not been lost on us - they've just been a little bumpy.

The rest of the years isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows like I had hoped. 

But at least it's a start in the right direction.

Change.

You mourn certain losses in life more than others.

Not of people, but those cuts that dig deep into your soul, little things you had hoped for; you watch them slip through your fingers and you're bereft. 

Things are changing again. 

It's painful change, the kind that makes that knot in your throat swell until it's hard to breathe through the tears you tried so hard not to shed.

It's finally time to walk backwards a little, reembrace the past, but with a whole new perspective. 

There's a lot going on. 

There's so much I need to fix, and change, and do. 

I just hope that with a little push, some boundless optimism, and a prayer, I can get back to where things need to be. 

At this time, I'm also removing numerous old posts. That chapter is over. It's time for something new. 

Fetlife Faux Pas

This is a message I just received on Fetlife...

Now I'm well aware that forward, sometimes inappropriate people, are prone to messaging s-types in a more forward manner but I couldn't help but find this hysterical. 

"I like what I see... very much so ;-)

Please... Allow me to introduce myself - I'm (name removed) and it is a pleasure to send this message to you, and hopefully, you'll find pleasure too in what I'm about to offer you in this lifestyle :-) ...

You see, I am a Dom - but more importantly, I am a Dom who "Doms" in the name of the greatest Dom in the history of the Free World, Mr. Max Hardcore.
Now, you may or may not have heard of the man, but with over 20 years in the porn industry and over 1200 scenes shot with luscious babes like yourself, you should have heard of the legend... If you haven't Google him or check the websites I have listed as favorites on my profile.

Here's how it'd be if you were my sub...

You see - it's all about making you look adorable, and in doing so, making my cock feel incredible as I use and abuse your tight, tiny holes to jack-off my fuckrod. You see, I'm not going to bullshit you or give you some roundabout story... I tell you like it is.

I am one filthy, nasty motherfucker... but I'm also the good kind :-)
Would you happen to have MSN, Skype, or AIM? If so, hit me back with your addies!

You have amazing eyes and a gorgeous smile... I think I can take you places beyond your wildest dreams... but that's just the potential to be great I see in you.

I look forward to hearing back soon!

Until Then,
(name removed)"

I appreciate the compliments, I do. 

But to "Dom in the name of" someone else...

HAHAHAHAHA

Nights in White Satin

He was no rope master, but years of being an outdoorsman had served him well. With practiced hands, he wove his satin spell around her body. 

Every pull of the length ignited a small fire over whatever limb it touched, long strands of silk juxtaposed by a momentary scratch. 

With each new knot, he kissed her somewhere new. First it was her forehead; tender and sweet. Then, her cheekbone; he could feel her smile against his lips. Next, her lips...slow and sweet. 

Spreading her lower lips, he slipped the rope on either side of her clit as he moved down her jawline to her neck. The simultaneous pull and bite making her knees weak and a moan escape. She was delirious with it all.

Her thoughts, like her, were tied into a neat little package; no chance for escape. He had her kneel on the couch, long hair loose, leaning over the arm. He'd never seen her so still, so quiet. Fingering her hair, she went deeper, stilling even more; relishing her captivity and comfort.

The faint brush of fingertips down her harness, across her spine reminded her how this man played her body like an instrument; eliciting responses she couldn't readily contain. No one knew her like this. 

Without preamble, one hand gripped her mane, the other making brutal contact with her ass. The slow burn spread. Another fell, drawing a squeak and a groan. They rained down, varying in location and intensity; she felt the sting transform into wet heat.

His cock presented itself in front of her. She licked and sucked with abandon. Tightly bound, taken in hand; he fucked her face. And she let go. Never had she sucked him like this before; a revelation years in the making. 

It just wasn't enough for her. So with three simple words she found herself facing the wall, spread on the couch, impaled. A hand on her throat, head pulled back by a fist in her hair, she was well and thoroughly fucked. She climaxed in waves, shivering, surrendered to the pleasure. 

Now every time she sees that 100 feet of white heaven, she smiles, and prays for next time.

Good Girl

This is a work of erotic fiction featuring highly ADULT CONTENT.
NSFW. 18+ READERS ONLY.

She stood, arms crossed in front of her on the front porch. It was spring, but a fall breeze made the trees whisper in the night. She shivered; unaware of anything around her, deep in thought.

He walked silently up behind her, chest almost touching her back. A hot calloused finger from strong hands stroked down her arms. She shivered, but not from cold. “Come inside pet, its cold,” his baritone caressed her entire mind, she was wrenched out of contemplation and into deep, all-encompassing need.

Silently, she turned towards him, the warmth of his hands soothed the frigid thoughts in her head and the goosebumps on her body. Eyes downturned, she nestled into his side as he led her into the house.

His passivity towards her belied the power he held over her; she was his; that was that; wherever he led, she followed and it made her whole.

He had put a fire in the fireplace, he turned her towards it, “Kneel,” he whispered in her ear, “Focus on the fire, the flames, the heat.” His voice followed her to the floor. She watched the flames dance, embers orange and yellow, sway to and fro. The heat seeped into her, a radiant warmth that began at the apex of her thighs and spread outwards. She forgot herself, her surroundings, Him; lost in the glow.

She gasped slightly when the world went dark; “Sir?”

“Quiet pet, go back to that place and stay there, I’ll tell you when I need something from you.”

She sighed, feeling her herself grow wetter from the deprivation, the warmth of the fire spurring it on.

She had no idea how long he left her there, it felt like days, but she was floating, it didn’t matter.

“Face down, ass up.” She obeyed without thought, a single hand took both wrists, he bound them behind her back. The contact stopped. She jerked as her face was lifted off the floor, her euphoria broken momentarily; “Open,” he said firmly. She complied and he slipped a cock gag into her mouth; it was large, she could only just clench her teeth; she heard the snick of a padlock on the gag and trembled.

He placed her head gently back down onto the carpet, she felt him kneel next to her, “Go away for a while, pet, you need to stop trying to get into my head and remain in yours, you don’t need to worry about what I’m doing, just know I will choose what’s right for you. Understood? Nod.” She tried to speak around the gag, worried about what would come next, begging him to tell her what was going on, but her muffled squeaks meant nothing. “Quiet,” His voice was lethal, “Is it understood pet? Nod now.” She nodded. With that he fixed her with headphones and her last sense; soft music played, Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto Number 2, her favorite. She was lost to the music.

He watched her, she was dripping wet with anticipation, breathing rapidly, but after about five minutes, she relaxed into her bonds, her breathing slowed, her mind was elsewhere. She had been too mouthy lately, too concerned about his plans for her and too mindful of whether or not she was doing a good enough job at submitting to truly submit. A few more minutes like this and she would be ready; by the end of tonight, she would submit to him at a level even she couldn’t fathom; it would be second nature, thoughtless and complete. He was rock hard staring at her curvaceous body, those hips and ass beckoned to his cock, her pussy so hot, so wet, he could smell her arousal. It was time.

She didn’t even register the warm trickle down her ass. Nor the rubbing of the lube into her ass. She did however notice a burning sensation that timed itself to the crescendo and diminuendo of the concerto. She groaned as the burning got worse; but it stopped before she could keep herself from getting swept away again. She felt full, and at peace. The music took her.

She looked gorgeous with the jeweled plug in her ass, ruby, like her birthstone. He’d leave it in all night while he teased and fucked her. He picked up a flogger and went to work…

A tickle registered on her buttocks, up her back, on her thighs, down her spine. The tickle became a slight sting, the sting became a thud, the thud became painful, but the music and a rush of pleasure took it away. She could feel her arousal trickle down her leg. She couldn’t distinguish the pain from the pleasure anymore. She couldn’t make thoughts between the music and the driving pleasure.

The thuds stopped, a warm thick shaft was sliding into her pussy. She moaned low, Master’s cock felt like silk-wrapped steel, solid, drugging, heady. He thrust slowly, deliberately, pulled all the way out, slid all the way in. It was a steady rhythm, consistent, just like Master. She felt full, so full, so good; so at peace. His flogger marked her as steadily as his cock fucked her. Her pussy clenched around him. Immobile from the pleasure, as he drove her deeper into the rabbit hole; her moans built, her body quivered, she couldn’t even make sense of whether or not the music was still playing.

He pulled out of her, flogged her pussy in one solid hit and she keened. Her back arched and she screamed as he slammed his cock back into her. Her pussy milked him so hard he had to pull out of her before coming. Dropping the flogger, he admired his work, she was still in the aftershocks of her climax, whimpering and trembling, wetter than ever before. He undid her bonds, massaged each wrist as her arms went limp; the gag came out with some protest, as she was sucking adoringly on it. He removed the headphones and the blindfold last.

He pulled her chin towards his eyes, his were bright, clear, soulful depths, she was lost in his eyes.

Her eyes were glassy, unfocused deep brown pools with golden flecks that reflected the firelight. She was right where he wanted her to be. “Open and suck me.”

She did. She had no will left to resist anything he asked, no strength to question Master; he had enough will for the two of them. She worshipped his cock, laved it with her tongue, running it up and down the vein on the underside. Wet, luscious lips engulfed it, sliding down as cheeks hollowed.

Master grunted in pleasure and it filled her heart with joy, she had pleased him.

His hands snaked through her long mahogany locks and fisted, he drove his hips toward her face with brutal force, and she took it. She remained yielding in his grasp, mouth and throat accepting all he had to give. A hard thrust brought her lips to the base of his cock, her outstretched tongue lapping at his balls. He stayed there; waiting to see if she would overthink and struggle like she usually did…

She didn’t. Her eyes stared up at him in adoration, love and trust were the only thoughts present in her mind. Master’s cock was resting at the back of her throat and that was his right. He pulled out, she took a deep, slow breath in. Master smiled at her.

He couldn’t help but beam at her, his pride in his woman overwhelmed him in this moment. “Finish me, pet.” She sucked him hard and deep, the moans in her throat massaging the head of his cock.

With two hard thrusts and both hands fisted in her hair, he came.

She claimed every drop of his gift.
“Who do you belong to pet?”

“You, Master;” she said dreamily. He fastened a bracelet on her wrist, screwed in the clasp and chucked the allen key in the garbage.

“Good girl.”

I Believe Introductions are in Order

I'm a twenty-three year old college graduate from NY.

This blog is meant to be an amalgamation of stories, experiences and errant thoughts on my deep and dark journey into the world of BDSM. (insert horror movie soundtrack here)

For those of you that don't know what BDSM is, google it. For those of you that do...welcome and I appreciate any and all commentary on my experiences, erotica, and whatever else I post.

I am a submissive. I've known this since I was 14, although coming to terms with the idea of such a personality trait took me a while. My submission is not solely a bedroom-related thing; I enjoy domestic service as well and believe that I would flourish in a more constant D/s dynamic.

I began experimenting with submission and BDSM when I was 18, unfortunately my significant other of 5 years is as vanilla as they come, so that didn't last long. It was more recently that I chose to join the Fetlife community and explore further in whatever manner I could...

I'm a creative individual and I like to get my thoughts on paper to process them. This blog will serve as a look into my head and the thread of my life that's currently being woven.

I hope you enjoy.